Hi Kathryne,
You're definitely on the right track to photo document the situation, and I would also print out or somehow save any written correspondence you have with the donor. I've had situations in the past like yours and also where a donor has simply changed their mind about whether to return an unaccepted object or not and decided we could just discard it instead. In those instances, I sent the donor a brief permission form that included language explaining what happened (damage or change of mind), what action the donor is authorizing (discarding), and space for signature by the donor. This is more to cover the situation when there are verbal conversations rather than written ones, but even with emails, I have used a form as a way to very clearly and succinctly gain permission.
Best,
Angela
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Angela Stanford
Independent Registrar and Collections Specialist
Advanced Museum Services
Indianola, Iowa
www.advancedmuseumservices.com------------------------------